Self esteem through achievement

Hello everyone,

I'm a pretty good pianist. I've been playing the piano for more than 40 years, and over that time, I've become a high-end amateur who occasionally gets paid to play. I'm confident at what I do, usually; I'm a good sight reader, but I know when I have to practice; I also know when I am not competent, and I'm pretty skillful at avoiding situations that would make me look bad, though I'm also willing to take a chance if the circumstances are right.

In other words, I have good self esteem.

Having said all that, I remember the process of learning to become a good pianist. I remember the frustrations I felt when my fingers wouldn't go where they were supposed to go, even after the tenth repetition; I remember how clumsy I would feel in front of an audience when I was too nervous to play well; I remember how angry and defensive I would get with my piano teacher when she demanded higher standards from me than I was willing to practice for. I also remember many times in which I have played poorly in public, and when people have been less than kind in their assessment of my playing.

In other words, my self esteem--as far as piano playing goes--has not always been high.

What has made the difference?

I had at least one teacher who helped me have a vision of what great piano playing looked like, and then believed that I was capable of arriving at that level. (Frankly speaking, I have never gotten as good as she wanted me to be, and she had other students--less lazy than I--who are far better pianists than I am. However, I am easily a hundred times better than I was when I first went to see her simply because she believed I could be.) When I did not achieve at the level she expected, she didn't find excuses for me, nor did she give up on me. She showed me how to do it, then worked me until I did it.

My teacher helped me to set both long term and short term goals. She expected my long-term goals to be very high; my short term goals were only as high as they needed to be to achieve the long term in time.

Someone was always there to guide me through the rough periods when I didn't believe in my ability. That included close monitoring of just what I was doing wrong. If my fingers weren't as pliable or as strong as they needed to be, I was shown strengthening exercises. If I wasn't ready for Grieg, I was given Bach.

I was allowed to fail, then shown how to learn from my failures. This was an important part of teaching me to avoid self-delusion.

The result is, I have a skill I didn't have before; I have learned that hard work pays off; I have learned that I am capable of that level of work; I have been stripped of my delusions; I am filled with a realistic self esteem.

My self esteem is the result of the process, damaged though it sometimes was DURING the process. To have wasted time trying to build my self esteem without the process of teaching me to play the piano would have been counterproductive.

There you go: strong mentoring, high expectations, guidance through difficulty, and teaching through failure, never leaving out the occasional encouragement or reprimand as needed. The result: high skill level; high self esteem.

Jeff Combe