Student-Teacher Relationships, part 3

Hello everyone,

Be patient as you make your connections with students. The sorts of relationships that exist between student and teacher are very complex and develop over a long period of time.

If you teach a subject that a student loves, you generally have a head start on the relationship. (You also will do a lot of good in helping the student feel good about the school in general.) Much of the good you may do is unintentional. If someone comes into your class loving math more than anything, you will be lucky if you're the math teacher.

On the contrary, if a student comes in hating your subject, you will have a difficult time connecting with the student.

If you teach a class that has general behavior problems, you will not be able to form many connections with students until you gain control of the class. Of course, the process of gaining control may make you some temporary enemies. Focus on the necessary mechanics of classroom management and control, and--believe it or not--the other things will gradually fall into place.

I want to digress with a story here: When I taught middle school, there was a rambunctious little boy that caused me no end of trouble for about a month. I gave him trouble right back in the form of regular detentions and low marks in cooperation. In fact, I rode him so heavily that I was afraid that he would hate me. On the contrary, he was grateful for the guidance! He confessed it to me. And he came around (after a few months) and learned to behave the way I wanted him to.

Don't think that establishing a strong connection with your students means that you have to sacrifice discipline; rather, consider discipline an important step in establishing that connection. Believe it or not, students really hate teachers that don't control the classroom, and students often seek the respect of teachers that have good classroom control. Control that is arbitrary or cruel, of course, will never fail to win you enmity, but control that is both firm and fair wins respect.

Teachers often seem impatient to establish close, even personal, relationships with their students. They try to dress and act like the students; they use student slang; they adopt the students' behaviors. This is always a mistake. Please trust me on that one. Further, pushing yourselves into your students' personal affairs will not endear them to you.

Say, for instance, that you notice one of your students looking depressed in class one day. It would be perfectly appropriate for you to speak to the student privately (NOT alone, but in a way that your conversation cannot be overheard). Say that you noticed the student looked down. You may ask if the student wants to talk about it. DO NOT PROBE. It's really none of your business. Your student may want to share some things with you, but don't press if that's not the case. I have seen teachers hound students about private matters, and I have seen students hate those teachers. If the student does not want to tell you anything, ask if there's someone the student has to talk to about it. If there is no one, offer yourself or suggest that there are people on campus that will do it privately. (You will be surprised how many students will come back to you later and want to talk.)

Be patient. You can't rush a blooming flower.

Jeff Combe