Ethical dilemmas: case studies

Hello everyone,

I would like to consider some of the ethical dilemmas I listed yesterday plus one that was forwarded to me today. I choose these because they are not cut and dried; they are ambiguous; they may be answered a variety of ways, and you must choose the way that works the best for you.

First, a letter from a teacher. My comments are in mostly lower case:

HELLO MR. COMBE,

I HAVE A PARENT THAT PUTS DOWN HER CHILD DESPITE MY TELLING HER ABOUT [THE CHILD'S] PROGRESS. I HAVE TRIED TO STAY POSITIVE [BUT THE PARENT] WILL CONTINUE TO EXPRESS HERSELF NEGATIVELY. IT HAS BEEN EXTREMELY DIFFICULT IN THIS CASE TO DEAL WITH THIS PARENT. IS THIS VERBAL ABUSE?
I gather from what you write that you perceive that what the parent says is completely unjustified. Since I have no idea exactly what is being said, I can only speak theoretically and not specifically. Yes, this is what most normal people would consider verbally abusive, certainly. Who among us can withstand unrelenting negativity? Your question, however, seems to be more along the lines of whether or not this is reportable verbal abuse. In a case like this, your judgment has to predominate. The sort of verbal abuse that would be reportable would have to be pretty egregious. Note that I am not saying it's not abusive to constantly put someone down; I'm just saying that you would have to judge the level of danger in the abuse. I am very reluctant to put a fixed limit on what would constitute reportable abuse in a case like this, but I can give examples of what I think would not be ambiguous. If a parent were to say something like, "You are so stupid and ugly, you would be better off dead. Why don't you go kill yourself? Here, I'll give you the key to my gun cabinet." That would easily be reportable. As to the rest, use your best judgment, always keeping in mind that the law protects you if you judge in favor of reporting, and the law condemns you if you miss a case in which a child is hurt.

Here are a few scenarios from yesterday with my comments.

A GIRL COMES TO YOU, REVEALS THAT SHE IS PREGNANT, AND ASKS FOR ADVICE ON GETTING AN ABORTION.
There are several problems here, not the least of which is the potential that you may have the girl's parents with their attorneys questioning your advice to their daughter. Most of us aren't qualified or licensed to give medical advice. However, you may ask the girl's permission to refer her to the school nurse, who will keep her confidence and make referrals to competent medical and legal authorities. The law requires you to report when someone is in immediate danger, and what the girl has revealed to you does not include or suggest immediate danger, so you may keep her confidence. Do you have the right to give your personal feelings on abortion? I can think of many reasons yes, and an equal number no. Either way carries liability. Personally, I told such a girl my own feelings, said that I was not a competent person to ask, sent her to the nurse (with her permission), and kept her secret.

A STUDENT REVEALS A DRUG ADDICTION AND BEGS YOU NOT TO TELL THE PARENTS.
On the one hand, parents have a right to know. On the other hand, telling the parents may close the immediate door to the acceptance of treatment. Again, I personally err on the side of keeping confidences, but I have urged such students to tell their parents themselves. I have offered to sit in as an arbitrator with the student and the parents. We have a variety of services on campus that help with drug addiction, including the nurse's office, Healthy Start, and Impact. I assume that the student's revealing the addiction is a cry for help, and I have the right to suggest that the student get help.

A BOY REVEALS THAT HE IS GAY AND ASKS YOU TO DONATE TO A CHARITY SUPPORTING GAY MARRIAGE.
Regardless of how you feel about homosexuality or the marriage debate, you must understand that a boy who is openly gay is a likely target for bullies. He may require your protection. You should help him--you are obligated to help him--academically and emotionally. You may truly do that without supporting his sexuality or politics. The same situation could be reversed (I've never experienced it--this is theoretical), in which a boy reveals that he is homophobic and asks you to donate to a group that advocates violence to homosexuals. The second boy is more likely to be the bully than the target, but he, too, needs academic and emotional help, which you can give without supporting his viewpoints.

The situations above have happened to me, and I try to think about what I did and how successful it was in protecting the students from harm and giving them a good education. As I've aged, I've found that I am more willing to be open about my personal views, but I realize as I write that it is very difficult to explain how to do that without alienating students. I have had mixed success over my career. Early in my career, I faced the following situation: "A boy asks what you think of professional wrestling; the boy loves professional wrestling more than anything else." I told the boy that professional wrestling is fake and that I didn't really enjoy it. He was so offended, he would hardly talk to me for the rest of the year. I realize now that my need to tell him the truth did not outweigh his love of professional wrestling. He was a good student, and I regretted offending him on something so trivial. The situations above are not trivial, but the risk of offense and the risk of losing a student completely are something to be considered carefully.

I also must confess that I have caught myself saying something I didn't believe in because I was afraid of offending someone. In recent years, I have come to regret that more than the offense to the boy who loved wrestling.

The truth is, I'm doing my own wrestling, and I hope it's useful for you to watch.


Jeff Combe


Addendum:

Hello everyone,

I got this comment from a teacher after I sent the previous email, and I wanted to forward it for your consideration.

I have a comment about what we say when a girl reveals that she is pregnant. I usually start by asking her how she feels about this and how her partner feels about this. I also ask if she's spoken to her parents. I then ask if she knows what options she has and if not, I lay them out for her (keeping the child, adoption, morning after pill, abortion, etc.) and where she might go to investigate these resources. I try VERY hard to keep my own feelings out of these exchanges, but I also know that often we have more of a relationship with these girls then the school nurse and that they may not be aware of all of their choices.

Jeff Combe